Why be a good friend?

 

Our society tends to place romantic relationships on the highest pedestal. However, I believe that a good friendship is just as important to our mental welfare.

There is a common saying that I am sure you have heard and that is ‘treat others how you would like to be treated.’ .. Are you doing this? Are you as reliable as you expect people around you to be? Are you as honest, or fun or helpful as you expect people to be? What do YOU have to achieve and become in order to attract the kind of people in your life that you want to hang out with?

It’s a fact that friendships have a huge impact on a person’s mental health, social life and overall well-being.

We all learn from an earlier age – When you plant seeds you need to look after them, nurture them, water them, shield them and protect them – then they will grow and give you back fruit or vegetables, shade or happiness.

Ask yourself these questions:

Do I have people in my life that support me, nurture me, laugh with me, cry with me, lift me up when I am down and listen when I need help? Are you willing to listen, learn, support when needed?

Or do you have people around you that pull you down, that hold you back, that manipulate you to stay small or not put your head above the lid?

The value of being a good friend does not have a price. As a good friend you have the capacity to relieve a friend’s stress, providing comfort, joy and preventing loneliness and isolation. On the flip side, a lack of social connection especially in lock down may likely pose as much of a risk as depression, anxiety which bring all sorts of new problems.

However, being a good friend is not just a benefit to your friend but is also a benefit to YOU.

Friendships are a two-way street and you will notice that building strong friendships will create a positive environment that you want to remain in forever, right?

Evaluate your environment and see if it supports you and make decisions if this is not the case! Leave behind what is toxic and move towards what makes you happy.

Start a new hobby, meet new people, surround yourself with likeminded people and the most important is… GIVE don’t ask… when YOU are giving it will make you feel good, you will make others around you happy and you will get it back 10 times from ways you never even expected!

Start your first step today!

Anxiety – wide spread – but a good thing?

I would like you to consider an interesting and different perspective toward anxiety and that is - is anxiety always bad? Surprisingly not. Let’s face it – anxiety can be a powerful motivator. Anxiety can work for you as long as it moves you to the right kind of action. For example, suppose you will be taking an exam for school or work the following week. Anxiety is capable of compelling you to study immediately and achieve something great.

A degree of anxiety can also alert you to danger. Perhaps you may feel anxious because you know that you’re taking a wrong course of action – Anxiety will help you to avoid such a wrong action for your conscience to be at rest.

Now don’t get me wrong, I am not advertising that you should be anxious all the time in order to become an overperforming monkey! But I want you to SEE and FEEL that when you shift your view point and FIND the positive angle in any situation- your feeling and your according action will change too.

Especially during the last 18 months people have come back to me and told me about the rising fears, income, job, children at home, or even worse things like abuse from a partner through constantly being home.

Anxiety can appear to be a constant battle that can seem emotionally and perhaps physically overwhelming. If you are reading this and it resonates with you then your situation will be different from the next person. Anxiety can stem from personal difficulties, a challenging upbringing or even genetics, such as negative thinking, a divorce, loss of a job, and grief.

“How can I overcome this?” There are many ways and not everything works for everyone but I would like to add a few points that you can try from home that are easy and free.


Exercise

Yes, exercise! Maintaining physical health closely connects to our mental health. Exercising whether that is enjoying a walk, swimming or team sports release a happy chemical in the brain called endorphins. So go on that walk through your local park and try, or go swimming with the kids or just do whatever feels good for YOU! If your body feel better, once you’ve overcome the muscle ache, - then your mind will automatically feel better too!

How can I activate my inner power

Do you believe you have inner power? Maybe you have heard people talk about inner power but always wondered what it really is and how to activate it.

Well there is no universal answer to this question. We are all different and what might work for me might not work for you however one thing for sure EVERYONE has huge inner power and we can all find the way to tap into it!

Have you felt that in certain situations there seems to be a quiet force inside you that knows when to act and when to move and sometimes when really needed gives you enormous strength to do so?

That is part of your power and you can learn to use it. Let me show you some simple steps on how to activate it.

Breathe consciously
The first thing we do after we are born is breathing. It costs us nothing, it is free of charge, we do it automatically and yet it is hugely powerful!
Breathing properly will help you achieve harmony, being calm when feeling anxious or fearful and gaining strength. The greatness of breath is to develop our stamina. The cells in our bodies need oxygen to function. The positive side effect is when you breathe properly with your diaphragm, you are more likely to overcome not just anxiety but you support your body with strength to heal and stay healthy.

Eat healthy food
What you put into your car is what gives it the energy to drive. What you put into your body is your source of Energy for your LIFE!
It is therefore crucial that you give it the best quality fuel you can!

The truth is, what ever diet you look at, it all comes down to the same
Sugar is in nearly everything, processed food, even fruit and milk and all carbohydrade foods turn these into sugar in your body- so make a conscious decission to check sugar levels on what you eat and try and keep it as low as possible- 20-30g a day max.

Eat lots of vegetables as they give you the best base of fuel
Some fruit, lots of proteins and carbohydrates like wholegrain bread/pasta etc at least a few times a week. All of this will boost your body's energy which will also give you more strength and stamina to find and activating our inner powers.

Go and enjoy a walk in fresh air and enjoy nature take a 30 minute walk every day if you can even after dinner if you didn't have time during the day.
Reconnecting with mature also can help with your inner energy journey.
The more often you go to nature – the better and stronger you feel.

And finally stop for one second when you are feeling sad, anxious, fearful, angry or helpeless - just start listening to your body - what do you really feel? Help your body to activate your inner energy by starting to listen to your body. Stay with the feeling, breath, take the time to achieve being calm and listen to what your mind and gut feeling tells you.

When you re-train yourself every day just 5 minutes to truly listen and allow your feelings to guide you, learn to breath to achieve inner calm and feed your mind and your body, you will find enormous inner strength that can guide you anywhere you would like to go AND achieve the goals you set for yourself!

Who whispered in your ears?

Yesterday morning I gave my children a booklet with loads of animals to cut out - they are now three and a half and cutting is now something they are really keen on learning.

They both did really well and so they chose more pages to cut - one of which I looked at thinking... That's too difficult for now so that's what I said to my daughter when she asked for that specific paper... 'This is still too difficult' - so she didn't want to do it anymore. Later they picked more and she remembers the one that I said was still too difficult - she wouldn't even try.

This morning they wanted to do more cutting and I gave my daughter one page that was even more difficult than the one I talked about yesterday. I told her that one is easier and she did it without any problem!

Wow what an eye opener for me! I tried to protect her from disappointment and failure - how wrong was I?

Not only was she absolutely capable of the task, she excelled it AND loved it and proved me so wrong! And what would have been so wrong if she had not managed to do it? She would have learnt that she still needs to improve her skills, she would have learnt that sometimes we don't get things right and that she could have asked me for help to show her.

So, who in your past or even in your current life tells you things that hold you back from the dreams and goals that you want to achieve? Do you think you might be able to but then don't take the action and the steps because you 'think' you might not be able to, or not deserve it. Or you don't want to have yet another disappointment?

Take my daughter as an example - you HAVE the strength inside you! You CAN do what you want to achieve - get rid of the false beliefs that you stored in your brain, go out... fail small... get up... try again... achieve small steps and move on to achieve bigger things.

BECAUSE YOU CAN!

If you need help please reach out: success@solutions-finder.com

You ARE Amazing!

VIDEO: Dr. Wayne Dyer's Life Advice Will Leave You SPEECHLESS - One of the Most Eye Opening Speeches

 

Blog If you put your mind to it you can do ANYTHING

So on the weekend I finally received the climbing frame which I had wanted to order for weeks now but it was out of stock- no wonder of course as more people were trying to make their garden as child friendly as they could in lockdown times- and so did I.

However of course the climbing frame came in millions of parts and I ... am no good at handy work- or am I?

I realised 3 things

1. I was brought up with women doing "women's things, ballet, becoming a purser, or a teacher so you could do part time work when being married and having children, maybe tennis but for sure not taking hammers and drills and screwdrivers and putting things together, or being interested in cars etcetc"

Now I never really questioned that because I have a lot of skills, I am an intelligent woman so the lack of knowledge here was never an issue as I always either found a friend (male) who helped me or I hired someone and paid them to do the things that I can't do.

Nothing wrong with this picture...in general but over the last 7 days I had a childrens bench and the climbing frame delivered and no one to help me right that minute when it was delivered. So, I had a choice, call for friends favours for the next weekend and wait, call a handyman and pay and wait until they had time to do this or ... DO IT MYSELF! ... and that was a really weird feeling.. really do this handyman men's work myself? But I can't ? Well I thought I can give it a try, I can always leave it for someone else to finish right?

So I did... I started with the bench and I pretty much got it all wrong first time round, 1. Because I didn’t think I needed to read the description in detail as it seemed all straight forward ( yes yes I know, big mistake) . I screwed and unscrewed nearly every single screw as I went along- however... I did it. I cursed, I didn’t really enjoy it and it took me probably 3 times as long as any skilled person would have taken BUT the fact is I did it!

So the programme in my head- I can't do this - clearly needs to be deleted. Because I just proved myself twice- that when I really put my heart and some discipline into this then I actually could do it!

2. I also realised that of course when you do something for the first time, which doesn’t happen that often anymore when you are an adult unless you take up new skills or a new sports, then you do look a bit silly first time round, and it all takes up time- but so what? Once I realised where I had gone wrong I was able to put things together second time round much faster. So you never stop learning and it is never too late to pick up new skills IF you really want to learn them!

And if you do then you put your heart, soul, sweat and tears and dedication into learning new things, and give yourself a little bit of time to improve and do it again and again and again and you will see improvement pretty fast within a few weeks!

3. Just because I CAN do something doesn’t mean I SHOULD be doing it- WHY? Because I was not enjoying it, although seeing my children happy with the result was heartwarming but this I would have achieved if I had had someone else put it together and in that time that I spent doing the "hard" work I could have done other things that I am actually already good at or that I love doing- ie I could have played with my kids in the sandpit or read with or to them etcetc

So think about the things that you do on a daily basis and ask yourself truly: SHOULD you be doing this? Could you pay someone or ask someone to do xyz and free your own time sensibly to do things you could achieve much much more in or that you love much more?

I outsourced my accounts when I opened my business, I outsourced my IT any electric work I have to outsource etcetc... so where could you save time to spend better and spend money to make more money with things you are good at?

I will leave you with that thought for the day 😊

Have a great week and reach out if there is something I can do to help you reach your "aha" moments to move your life forward.

All the best Astrid

VIDEO: You MUST RAISE Your STANDARDS! | Tony Robbins

I love Tony Robbins - and this video is so powerful! Definitely check it out!

The Digital Divide

There's a lot of talk in the news about children being left behind because they can't afford reliable broadband, or devices to complete their coursework on at home. There is a real 'digital divide' that has become much more pronounced of late, and the truth is that it is not just restricted to children. So many things aspects of daily life now rely on having good internet access and it is no longer a luxury. It is an essential.

A study by Mastercard found that almost half of people on a low income lacked the most essential digital skills that have been needed to manage day to day activities during the lockdown. People from disadvantaged communities described feeling 'locked out' of services that they need the most, and felt that 'vital information' was being 'hidden from them'.

While we're enjoying those cheap online deals, incentives for paperless bills, and the convenience of filling in applications online, spare a thought for the family down the street who can't afford a computer. Or the elderly neighbour who simply doesn't understand what it's all about and feels a bit intimidated by technology.

When you think about ways to give back to your community, think about the ways you can help those who are struggling in the digital world.

Could you donate some old unwanted laptops, smartphones or tablets to those in need? The Good Things Foundation https://www.goodthingsfoundation.org/projects/connecting-families and Vodafone have also launched a scheme where you can donate your old devices https://www.vodafone.co.uk/techappeal/

There are other ways you can help people that don't cost a penny. Do you have a friend, relative or neighbour who is struggling to navigate the online world?

You could;

Show them how to manage their online banking
Help them to find information such as searching for a better energy deal or applying for benefits
Warn them about possible scams and risks, and encourage them to call you if they are in doubt
Help them to set up their device correctly, or install any software they need

If you want help to improve your digital skills, nobodyinthedark.co.uk is a good place to find resources that are in plain, simple English to help you master the essentials.

A backward step for women?

So 2020 hasn't been an easy year for anyone, but some feel that as women we have had a tougher time than men. There's a common theme I'm seeing amongst couples that the women are doing the majority of the housework and childcare, while the men get to focus more on their work. I got talking to a friend who is a classic example – her husband has now gone back to work to earn a living, while she has been left to look after the kids. Her job looks uncertain as she works at a beauty salon, so she doesn't even know if she has a job to go back to or when she can return. But the kids being off school, and all childcare options currently unavailable, she says she just has no choice but to look after them herself. She feels like she's living the 1950s housewife lifestyle.

What can you do to redress the balance?

Are you happy? Modern social expectations put a lot of pressure on women to 'have it all' and maybe you are happy spending time with the kids. Enjoy it while you can.

Can you find a way to earn money working from home? Flexible hours that mean you can still look after the children?

Network online with other women in the same boat as you. Or get involved with the cause to help improve conditions for women.

You are never helpless. There is always something you can do to improve your situation.

Live your best life!

What does it mean to you? When you see this phrase on glossy Instagram posts with images set in tropical destinations. Maybe your holidays have been put on hold, or maybe your financial situation means that you can't afford to go away. This means it's the perfect time to find joy in the smaller things and appreciate what you have close to home.

I visited a family member who is a keen photographer, and on his wall was the most breathtaking seascape photo taken at sunset. Knowing he has travelled quite a bit in his younger days I assumed it was taken in the Bahamas or the Philippines or somewhere exotic. When I asked, he said it was taken about 10 miles away from his home in Norfolk. I couldn't believe it! We are often so eager to explore far flung destinations that we overlook the beauty on our own doorstep.