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Blog If you put your mind to it you can do ANYTHING

So on the weekend I finally received the climbing frame which I had wanted to order for weeks now but it was out of stock- no wonder of course as more people were trying to make their garden as child friendly as they could in lockdown times- and so did I.

However of course the climbing frame came in millions of parts and I ... am no good at handy work- or am I?

I realised 3 things

1. I was brought up with women doing "women's things, ballet, becoming a purser, or a teacher so you could do part time work when being married and having children, maybe tennis but for sure not taking hammers and drills and screwdrivers and putting things together, or being interested in cars etcetc"

Now I never really questioned that because I have a lot of skills, I am an intelligent woman so the lack of knowledge here was never an issue as I always either found a friend (male) who helped me or I hired someone and paid them to do the things that I can't do.

Nothing wrong with this picture...in general but over the last 7 days I had a childrens bench and the climbing frame delivered and no one to help me right that minute when it was delivered. So, I had a choice, call for friends favours for the next weekend and wait, call a handyman and pay and wait until they had time to do this or ... DO IT MYSELF! ... and that was a really weird feeling.. really do this handyman men's work myself? But I can't ? Well I thought I can give it a try, I can always leave it for someone else to finish right?

So I did... I started with the bench and I pretty much got it all wrong first time round, 1. Because I didn’t think I needed to read the description in detail as it seemed all straight forward ( yes yes I know, big mistake) . I screwed and unscrewed nearly every single screw as I went along- however... I did it. I cursed, I didn’t really enjoy it and it took me probably 3 times as long as any skilled person would have taken BUT the fact is I did it!

So the programme in my head- I can't do this - clearly needs to be deleted. Because I just proved myself twice- that when I really put my heart and some discipline into this then I actually could do it!

2. I also realised that of course when you do something for the first time, which doesn’t happen that often anymore when you are an adult unless you take up new skills or a new sports, then you do look a bit silly first time round, and it all takes up time- but so what? Once I realised where I had gone wrong I was able to put things together second time round much faster. So you never stop learning and it is never too late to pick up new skills IF you really want to learn them!

And if you do then you put your heart, soul, sweat and tears and dedication into learning new things, and give yourself a little bit of time to improve and do it again and again and again and you will see improvement pretty fast within a few weeks!

3. Just because I CAN do something doesn’t mean I SHOULD be doing it- WHY? Because I was not enjoying it, although seeing my children happy with the result was heartwarming but this I would have achieved if I had had someone else put it together and in that time that I spent doing the "hard" work I could have done other things that I am actually already good at or that I love doing- ie I could have played with my kids in the sandpit or read with or to them etcetc

So think about the things that you do on a daily basis and ask yourself truly: SHOULD you be doing this? Could you pay someone or ask someone to do xyz and free your own time sensibly to do things you could achieve much much more in or that you love much more?

I outsourced my accounts when I opened my business, I outsourced my IT any electric work I have to outsource etcetc... so where could you save time to spend better and spend money to make more money with things you are good at?

I will leave you with that thought for the day 😊

Have a great week and reach out if there is something I can do to help you reach your "aha" moments to move your life forward.

All the best Astrid

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The Digital Divide

There's a lot of talk in the news about children being left behind because they can't afford reliable broadband, or devices to complete their coursework on at home. There is a real 'digital divide' that has become much more pronounced of late, and the truth is that it is not just restricted to children. So many things aspects of daily life now rely on having good internet access and it is no longer a luxury. It is an essential.

A study by Mastercard found that almost half of people on a low income lacked the most essential digital skills that have been needed to manage day to day activities during the lockdown. People from disadvantaged communities described feeling 'locked out' of services that they need the most, and felt that 'vital information' was being 'hidden from them'.

While we're enjoying those cheap online deals, incentives for paperless bills, and the convenience of filling in applications online, spare a thought for the family down the street who can't afford a computer. Or the elderly neighbour who simply doesn't understand what it's all about and feels a bit intimidated by technology.

When you think about ways to give back to your community, think about the ways you can help those who are struggling in the digital world.

Could you donate some old unwanted laptops, smartphones or tablets to those in need? The Good Things Foundation https://www.goodthingsfoundation.org/projects/connecting-families and Vodafone have also launched a scheme where you can donate your old devices https://www.vodafone.co.uk/techappeal/

There are other ways you can help people that don't cost a penny. Do you have a friend, relative or neighbour who is struggling to navigate the online world?

You could;

Show them how to manage their online banking
Help them to find information such as searching for a better energy deal or applying for benefits
Warn them about possible scams and risks, and encourage them to call you if they are in doubt
Help them to set up their device correctly, or install any software they need

If you want help to improve your digital skills, nobodyinthedark.co.uk is a good place to find resources that are in plain, simple English to help you master the essentials.

A backward step for women?

So 2020 hasn't been an easy year for anyone, but some feel that as women we have had a tougher time than men. There's a common theme I'm seeing amongst couples that the women are doing the majority of the housework and childcare, while the men get to focus more on their work. I got talking to a friend who is a classic example – her husband has now gone back to work to earn a living, while she has been left to look after the kids. Her job looks uncertain as she works at a beauty salon, so she doesn't even know if she has a job to go back to or when she can return. But the kids being off school, and all childcare options currently unavailable, she says she just has no choice but to look after them herself. She feels like she's living the 1950s housewife lifestyle.

What can you do to redress the balance?

Are you happy? Modern social expectations put a lot of pressure on women to 'have it all' and maybe you are happy spending time with the kids. Enjoy it while you can.

Can you find a way to earn money working from home? Flexible hours that mean you can still look after the children?

Network online with other women in the same boat as you. Or get involved with the cause to help improve conditions for women.

You are never helpless. There is always something you can do to improve your situation.

Live your best life!

What does it mean to you? When you see this phrase on glossy Instagram posts with images set in tropical destinations. Maybe your holidays have been put on hold, or maybe your financial situation means that you can't afford to go away. This means it's the perfect time to find joy in the smaller things and appreciate what you have close to home.

I visited a family member who is a keen photographer, and on his wall was the most breathtaking seascape photo taken at sunset. Knowing he has travelled quite a bit in his younger days I assumed it was taken in the Bahamas or the Philippines or somewhere exotic. When I asked, he said it was taken about 10 miles away from his home in Norfolk. I couldn't believe it! We are often so eager to explore far flung destinations that we overlook the beauty on our own doorstep.

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How to be more assertive

Let’s talk about assertiveness. It's something that many people find difficult at times. There are certainly times when I've agreed to do something that I really wish I'd said no to, or I haven't been as direct about what I really wanted. Why do we find it so hard to get it right?

So often people mistake assertiveness with aggressiveness. The perception is to be assertive is to be either really bossy and telling everyone what to do, or else raising your voice and yelling at people of course that’s not being assertive but being aggressive.

Just be be upfront about what you want, or what you think about something, in a way that is respectful of the other person and in a way that you yourself would want to be treated. It is about standing up for yourself, without treading on other people’s toes. You need to accept that your needs are just as valid as everyone else’s and that you have every right to express them. In fact not just a right but a duty to yourself. There is no point always pleasing everyone else and leaving your own needs behind!

Listen to what the other person is saying. Keep an open mind and give yourself time to respond. Don't raise your voice or be quick to anger, and if you need to go away and think about it then be clear that you need to go away and state clearly that you will get back to them. Always be upfront and honest with people and yourself, and this will help you to gain their respect.

If you are making a case for something, say you want to ask for a pay rise, or you have an awkward conversation, make sure you prepare your argument in advance. Prepare! Write down a list of points you want to make... 'I deserve a pay rise because I've done x, y and z'... however don’t make it about what YOU have done, make it about what you have achieved for the other side!!

Don’t assume you deserve a pay rise, don’t compare yourself to a colleague it’s not about them! Always ALWAYS think WIIFT – What’s In It for Them (the others) – if the other side can see the benefit your argument will be so much more successful!

Remember it's about standing up for yourself, not tearing down others.

This works for giving a presentation, holding meetings – always think about

1. Your desired outcome

2. WIIFT

3. And prepare as much as you can. The more you prepare, and the more you can back up your argument, the easier it will be to present yourself and no need to even think about being assertive you will automatically come across as knowledgeable and confident.

A good tip is to watch other confident people - how do they behave in certain situations? What can you learn from them?

Always try to keep calm...breathe, maintain eye contact and good posture...and a tip if you are on the phone, stand up and walk around as you talk as you will instantly feel and sound more confident.

Graduated and can't find a job?

I've had an e-mail come in this week from a friend. Her son has recently graduated at University and he did really well, he got a 2:1 so congratulations! Well done. And in fact, well done to everyone out there reading this who has graduated this year as it's a super big achievement and I know it's been more challenging this year with Covid-19.

Her son has like many has a real hard time finding a job. It's so disheartening because, now, landing your first job is... for some people they land on their feet and for others...  it feels like a losing battle. And sometimes it CAN be just about being in the right place at the right time. One of my friend’s daughter left Uni during the 2008 'credit crunch' and she, along with quite a few of her classmates, ended up with jobs they were way over-qualified for but then 3 or 4 years later when the economy started to pick up...she kept her eye out for better jobs and kept applying and she landed herself a great job at a marketing company doing what she had studied.

So it's a really good example of how it can feel like all that studying at Uni, or at college, was for nothing...that your career is never going to take off, but please remember that things WILL pick up. Things will get better, and the jobs market will recover.

Of course, there are still some opportunities out there and job hunting is a life skill that takes practice and patience. Think about your approach to job hunting...where are you looking for jobs? Are there alternative job boards or places where you could be missing out on some potential opportunities?

Perhaps there are other roles you could be applying for that are slightly different to what you have studied but that you have the right skillset for. Many skills are transferrable - and there may be jobs you would be well suited for that you haven't even thought of.

Could you tighten up your CV or prepare yourself better for those interviews? Think through the questions that an employer may be likely to ask you, and prepare your answers. Really think about what YOU can offer a company...what are your strengths? What are your achievements, and what have you performed really well at in your studies?

And THE MOST important question is, are you doing something every day to improve your knowledge and your skills to distinguish yourself from everyone else?

If you need help with career advice, job search and getting your foot on the ladder then I can help with tailored advice that will give you the edge over your competition.

Too much screen-time?

How amazing is 2020? I mean, can you imagine if the lockdown had happened in 2003 and all you had was a dial-up 56k modem and an old Nokia 6310? Smartphones have been a godsend for us all. They have allowed us to order groceries, binge-watch Netflix series, pay bills, reach out to the community, keep fit, and work from home. As awful as the pandemic has been, technology has allowed us to live relatively well under the circumstances.

As the lockdown is winding down I wonder how many people are feeling like they've become TOO dependent on technology. It's not just about the practical uses, for many, I think being connected to the world via a smartphone has been a huge comfort while we've been socially distancing. Have you been using social media more? Features like endless scrolling and notifications on Facebook, etc are designed to be addictive and they exploit basic human desires to be liked and to be a part of something.

Sometimes it takes a major shake-up to spot when something becomes a problem. Going back a few years, a friend of mine lost her dad to cancer and it forced her to look at what was important in her life. Up to that point, she was constantly on her smartphone. She said it felt like there was an itch in her brain if she couldn't get to her phone. She admitted that she regularly wasted her days-off aimlessly scrolling through Facebook and Instagram, chatting idly on Messenger and WhatsApp... and before she knew it the day was gone. She'd felt it creeping up, but it was only when her dad passed away that it shocked her into taking action. She realised then how emotionally disconnected she had become from her husband and children. While she was physically in the room with them, she was miles away emotionally. Her husband complained that she was constantly checking her phone when they went out for a meal.

2 years on, she still feels that pull of social media, but she is strict with herself about limiting time on her device. Does this sound like you? What are some simple ways to manage screen-time?

Ask your phone provider to reduce your data limit to reduce temptation.
Suspend social media accounts, or delete the apps from your phone.
Turn off notifications.
Put your phone on silent at meal times or for an hour before bed.
Leave your phone in one spot in the house rather than carrying it around.
Use the blue-light reduction setting if your phone has one.

Technology is part of our lives, but it's important to use it sensibly and to take time away from the screen. As well as affecting your relationships, too much screen-time can cause insomnia, difficulty concentrating, headaches and eye-strain. Remember – you control your smartphone, don't let it control you.